The Unemployed, the Insurance Guy, and the Toddler: NFL Playoffs Round One

We’ve assembled a crack team of NFL experts to make their Wildcard Weekend picks.

The Unemployed (Ben):

  • Kansas City Chiefs vs. Tennessee Titans – The best running back the Chiefs ever had was Christian Okoye because that dude would just smash everybody. Even though he’s not suiting up (because he retired two decades ago), I have a feeling his legacy will propel the Chiefs to victory over the Titans.
  • Buffalo Bills vs. Jacksonville Jaguars – I have to admit, I’ve been pretty checked out of the NFL and most sports for the last few years (after spending a lot of time as a younger person investing a lot of energy in them). I see that Jacksonville’s QB is having a good year but his name sounds made up, so I feel like this whole thing is a ruse. Buffalo is a good blue collar town and the Bills have a history of finishing strong in the playoffs (until the Superbowl! amirite or what Jim Kelly and Thurman Thomas?) LeSean McCoy is going to run for 150 yards. Bills are going to make it happen in a game that will forever be known as the Ani Difranco Game. Why? Don’t know. Will have to let it all play out.
  • New Orleans Saints vs. Carolina Panthers –  Not sure how the Saints made the playoffs. Apparently they won 11 games? Anyway, there won’t be a 12th. I think Cam Newton is exciting and overrated but he won’t be denied in the Superdome.
  • Atlanta Falcons vs. Los Angeles Rams – This is my “Elroy ‘Crazylegs’ Hirsch Guarantee Lock Pick.” The Rams have brought my youth back to its geographical roots. I never believed in the St. Louis Rams as a thing even when former grocery store bagger Kurt Warner was running the fake Greatest Show on Turf. I mean, I didn’t believe at all. If I looked at a schedule and it said the Packers were playing the Rams, I’d say, “Oh, shit! Looks like the Packers have two bye weeks this season. That’s weird.” Anyway, one of the Rams big stars back in the black and white television days was this dude Crazylegs Hirsch who used to rip it up as a member of the Wisconsin Badgers. He’s dead now, but football is back in Los Angeles, and the Falcons don’t stand a chance. *lock emoji*

 

Taylor (The Insurance Guy):

  • Kansas City Chiefs
  • Jacksonville Jaguars
  • New Orleans Saints
  • Los Angeles Rams

 

Anna (The Toddler):

  • Chiefs
  • Bills
  • Panthers
  • Falcons

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