This list, for obvious reasons, doesn’t include any cover songs by Hilary Duff, Miley Cyrus, Ke$ha, David Hasselhoff, Jessica Simpson, Michael Bolton, The Jonas Brothers, Britney Spears, or similar. And especially not Celine Dion or Fred Durst. They’re just BAD. Why would I make you listen to them? William Shatner is also disqualified. Like Chuck Norris, Shatner always wins, so it’s not fair to the others. That being said, I respectfully submit to you instead the BEST worst cover songs ever. So far beyond bad, they circle back and kick bad upside the head before you can say “ninja”.

All Saints “Under the Bridge” (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

[Seriously, when did EnVogue get back together? Speaking of En Vogue, here's The Band doing "Free Your Mind"]

* Atrocity “The Sun Always Shines on TV” (A-Ha)

[Best video EVER. There has been no band in history more aptly named. This song only edged out their "Dont' You Forget About Me" (Simple Minds) because there was no "official" video for that one.]

The Bobs “Psycho Killer” (Talking Heads)

[Qu'est que c'est? Le Trainwreck.]

Candy Flip “Strawberry Fields Forever” (Beatles)

[This is just confusing to me. Why is stuff on fire? Was Gene Simmons there?]

Cardigans “Ironman” (Black Sabbath)

[Anyone else picturing Iron Man wearing a lovely cashmere pullover?]

Bill Cosby “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” (Beatles)

[The sweaters should have prepared me for this.]

Deathstars “White Wedding” (Billy Idol)

[Her big brother may be satan.]

The Exies “Once In a Lifetime” (Talking Heads)

[The angst, like the song, is deafening.]

Rachel Fine “Creep” (Radiohead)

[She really means it.]

Godsmack “Rocky Mountain Way” (Joe Walsh)

[That's EXACTLY the face I made when I heard this.]

* The Gourds “Gin and Juice” (Snoop Dogg)

Graveworm “I Need A Hero” (Bonnie Tyler)

[Because, and I quote: "Bitches love hero's".]

Homegrown “Barbie Girl” (Aqua)

[There's apparently A LOT of dispute as to whether this is Homegrown, MxPx, Good Charlotte, or someone else. Color me surprised that no one will take ownership of it.]

* Hurra Torpedo “Total Eclipse of the Heart” (Bonnie Tyler)

[Yep, they're playing kitchen appliances.]

Jeremy Irons “Make You Feel My Love” (Bob Dylan)

[Really, really, did not see this one coming.]

Ludichrist “Last Train to Clarksville” (Monkees)

[Why???????]

The Mike Flower Pops “Wonderwall” (Oasis)

[I tried not to put "professional" cover singers in. Mike's only in here because I have this dream where he's cage fighting Richard Cheese, and Paul Anka is the referee. Richard Cheese "Welcome to the Jungle" (Guns 'N Roses)  Paul Anka "Smells Like Teen Spirit" (Nirvana)]

Mrs. Miller “Downtown” (Petula Clark)

[The ORIGINAL Susan Boyle.]

New Found Glory “Kiss Me” (Sixpence None the Richer)

[Because it was so good to begin with.]

Leonard Nimoy “I Walk the Line” (Johnny Cash)

[Kirk's not the only one on the Enterprise with mad skills.]

Orgy “Blue Monday” (New Order)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrqIR1fEBRU&feature=related

[As a palette cleanser, a good cover of this song is by Flunk]

Seether “Careless Whisper” (Wham)

[He has been hurt. So. Very. Badly.]

Gene Simmons “Firestarter” (Prodigy)

[It's like Kid Rock, Ozzie Osbourne and Mickey Rourke had a baby. Drew Barrymore needs to kill it with fire.]

Smashing Pumpkins “Soul Power” (James Brown)

[Stab in the dark, but I think this song might be about soul power.]

t.A.T.u. “How Soon is Now” (The Smiths)

[They SAY it's The Smiths, but I'm not sure that the version their covering isn't The Chipmunks.]

Volbeat “Only Wanna Be With You” (Dusty Springfield)

[The song isn't dark enough. And the lead singer smiles a lot. Let's add some necrophilia. Aaah. That's better.]

I want to end with Wil Wheaton’s (with an assist from John Scalzi) “Poker Face” (Lady Gaga). Though not really a cover, I was there when they did this. Watching Wesley Crusher sing Lady Gaga with John Scalzi grinding him was one of the most surreal experiences of my life.